Always Sunny in Brief
by this fish flies
Summary: Always Sunny in Philadelphia drabbles. Will include Gen/Slash/Het. Stories not necssarily conected. Warnings for language, violence, sex, and cannibalism. Or, warnings for the characters being themselves.
1. All of them assholes

Mac knew he was an asshole. It was not really something he could avoid. Almost every woman he'd ever dated had told him so, excluding the deaf girl. She probably said it in sign language, but he only knew the Vulcan salute.

So, Mac was an asshole. One thing that comforted him was that his best friend Dennis was an asshole, also. You can only teabag a boy in leg braces so many times before assholehood is bestowed upon you for life.

Charlie was not an asshole. He was probably the best person in the gang. The only reason for this was that he was too stupid to be anything but what he was. He did dick-ish things, but hardly ever just for the sake of being a jerk. He did get a little carried away with revenge schemes.

They had a good thing going, the three of them. Everything worked out. The only thing that complicated matters was the waitress. She ruined the balance between them.

Yes, Mac was an asshole. He did want to bang the waitress but he still hated her.

* * *

_AN: There needs to be more Always Sunny fic. I've found virtually none and it saddens me. The show is too awesome not to have a great fandom._


	2. Unsweetened Dee

Dee hates her friends sometimes. She has few girlfriends, and she does blame that on them. As soon as one met the gang they split.

So her high school sucked. She could live with that.

And maybe she didn't have the best luck wit guys. Lots of women her age were still single. She wanted to focus on her career.

That hadn't been working out too well, either.

Many things could be blamed on her friends. Dennis and Mac had made her life miserable since before she could remember.

Dennis probably didn't remember, but he was the one who gave her her nickname. She hates him for that.

Dee hated Mac for a myriad of reasons. One she tried not to think of was the huge crush she once had on him. It was most likely because he was the only boy- besides her brother- who talked to her in middle school. It didn't last long, when most of the talking was in the form of insults.

Charlie made her mind hurt. He would surprise her with some great idea or thought, only to do the stupidest thing right afterward. Charlie encouraged the other two, making them even more unbearable.

Frank was he father, no matter what genetics said. He had never really been a good father, and she resented that a little. How many of her issues were really daddy issues? When she looked back and saw how many things that were because of his manipulations she wanted to cry. It felt like she had never made a decision of her own.

Dee hated them all when she was alone in bed, late at night. She thought about everything that was wrong and who was the cause of it.

She used the hatred to cover the other feelings. The one painful one, deep in her gut that sometimes felt like cramps, but also felt of betrayal. The feeling that she was the one to blame, that it really was all her fault.

In the light of the day, none of these thoughts were in her head. Instead she laughed and enjoyed life with her friends- fighting, scheming, and running away.

* * *

_AN: I love Sweet Dee, but she is a bit bitter in this, isn't she? I can't do happy too well, it seems._

* * *


	3. Charlie's Day

**Charlie's Day**

11:45 Wakes up  
11:52 Wakes up again  
12:03 1st beer  
12:04 Brushes teeth with beer and glue(1)  
12:06 Huffs glue  
12:13 Eats Frank's cold, burnt, forgotten toast(2)  
12:48 Arrives at Paddy's  
12:49 2nd beer  
01:10 Charlie Work  
01:59 Lunch break(3)  
02:24 3rd beer  
02:31 Charlie Work  
03:16 Coffee break(4)  
06:00 Visits the thrift store  
06:27 Buys used fake mustache, stained lab coat, and a dubious set of silver plate  
07:35 Arrested(5)  
10:33 Fails escape attempt #4, knocked unconscious by someone named Jose(6)  
12:20 Charges dropped, subsequently released  
12:42-03:05 4th-17th beers  
04:44 Passes out in bed(7)  
04:57 Vomits

(1)The glue was accidental, the beer was not.  
(2)Might not have been toasted, but it was hard. There was nothing identifiable as living, so Charlie thought it was safe.  
(3)The mixed nuts might have been more rock than lunch, but it was close to the right time, so it qualified as lunch.  
(4)He did not actually drink any coffee. He ordered one, stared at the waitress until he was kick out, then when back to Paddy's. The rest of the break was spent sleeping in the second bathroom stall.  
(5)The circumstances behind this are uncertain. Charlie never explained it to anyone, but the gang believes that his purchases earlier had something to do with it. Only one piece of silver plate was found.  
(6)All the escape attempts involved tunneling out, but it was trying to rip out the toilet ala Prison Break that did him in. Jose just had to pee.  
(7)Charlie had perfected the art of passing out. He always did it face down, more off the bed than on it. This was to prevent himself from choking on his own vomit. It did not help with the bed-wetting.

* * *

_Notes: Yeah. I had to write this. It's how I imagine one of Charlie's normal days would go. I had fun with the foot notes. I was going to write this as a normal fic, but liked the list format. Plus, it allowed some mystery as to what really happened. Maybe one day I'l write the story of the arrest and the escape attempts. That would be fun. Also, the title is a bad pun, but I had to do that, too.  
_


	4. Say No Hear No

There are some things they never talk about. Like that one time Dee was fall-down drunk and half kissed Dennis. Since they never talked about it, it was hard to know how it was considered a half kiss, but she did get more nose than lips. Right after the kiss she had thrown up in a ficus and then fell asleep whit her head in the refrigerator. It was a memorable party for those not as drunk as she. Surprisingly, that was a very small number of people.

No one ever mentioned the time Mac had run away. The time he had successfully ran away. There had been many times where he had packed up a duffel bag and told them he was leaving, but he never got further than the convenience store at the corner. He always had a reason for why he did not go through with it.

Until the day he didn't have a reason. This time he went past the store and straight to the bus depot. He made it to Alabama. Or maybe it was Arkansas, Mac was never sure. But he returned two and a half weeks later in someone else's clothing. His nose was broken and he looked a tiny bit like a raccoon, but no one mentioned this. His eyes were a bit glassy. Dennis just joked about missed homework and skipping class. Dee told him he would have to repeat junior year with his grades. No one else really noticed, and nothing was said.

Charlie never said anything about a road trip he took in college. He'd rather not have it become a joke.

And, for all the joking about Dennis's vanity and self esteem issues, how he got like that was never talked about.

These things were not exactly secrets, for someone knew them. They just all didn't know all of them, and they never chatted to compare stories. They did not think about it as much as one would guess.

There were times, though, that they were most definitely not talking about things.

* * *

_Note: Yeah, I seem to like to write stories that leave more questions unanswered than they answer.  
Now I just need to get started on the Frank story I've been thinking of. It'll be longer, I assure you._


	5. The Old Bold Soldier

Frank's father was a WWII vet. He had enlisted up towards the end and fought on the Pacific front. He startled a bit whenever he saw an Asian afterwards, but it was only a momentary thing. He got married to his high school sweetheart when he came home and they bought one of the new houses at the end of a cul-de-sac.

Growing up, Frank heard many stories about his father's days in the military. All of his friends were interesting and very day was hilarious and fun, the way Frank's father told it. It was not until later that Frank realized that it was not all happiness and sunshine in the army.

Vietnam was the turning point. Frank wanted to join up. He would have, but his father insisted that he go to college. Then, during a fight, Frank's father sat down in his chair. It was then that Frank noticed how _old_ he was. He had never thought of his father that way. It was strange and unsettling.

"Son- Frankie- I have to tell you something my drill sergeant told us in the beginning. 'There are old soldiers, and bold soldiers, but not old, bold soldiers'." He sighed, then rubbed at his eyes.

Frank looked at his father and decided, right there, that he would be bold and old, just to prove that sergeant wrong. He had also conveniently forgotten the bit about being a soldier, but that was of no concern to him.

Being bold was how he met his future wife. It was how he met all women, and also how he got slapped. The women called it 'being a pig' but Frank called it boldness.

'I've fifty dollars and a bag of mushrooms, you should have sex with me' might not be the best pick-up line. But it worked. Well, it worked once, and Babara was a bit of a whore back then- it _was_ the 70s.

Maybe Frank had mistaken boldness for the lack of any morals at all, but he never heard anyone complain.

He never heard anyone complain who was a legal citizen.

He never heard anyone complain who was a legal citizen and not his child.

Either way, he was bold, old, and rich. One could say he was stinking, dirty rich, but these days he was mostly stinking and dirty. That's what happened when you lived with Charlie.

* * *

_Note: Frank's father is not to be confused with Dennis and Dee's Nazi grandfather. He is from their mother's side in my mind. I just think it would be great if thir grandparents fought against each other in the war.  
But, this is not the Frank story I am working on. That one is going a bit slower, so I wrote this up. I need to write something for other characters. I just don't know if I should work on the waitress or Rickety Cricket first. A good thing is that these drabbles seem to be getting longer every time.  
_


End file.
